Page 7 - Scene Magazine September 2023 48-09
P. 7

 The Way I’ve Scene I
    need some consolation prizes.
There is mounting evidence that 62
you know, you play music on them, oh, I can’t think of the name!” In turn, I offer random suggestions: “A harpsichord?
A lute? A toaster?” The more absurd
and four have a lot in common. When we try to tell a story, both of us struggle to find the words, and we backfill the gaps in conversation, so you don’t start a new story while ours drags on. The difference between us is slight at best. When a four- year-old is trying to remember what they want to say, there is a lot of “Um, um, um – wait!” while their audience fights the burning urge to fill in the blanks for them. When I cannot find my words
the offering, the happier I am with me, because I often think I am funny! Oddly enough, sometimes it actually does help jog the memory and the lost word is found.
or chase down a thought that was just seconds old when I lost it, I tend to say, “Oh, you know... that one thing... I know you know. Wait. I will be with you in
I’m also beginning to remember the shortness of the potty warning track.
A four-year-old has to go potty NOW. None of this “You’ll have to wait until we get to the store” or “Well, you’ll just have to hold it.” Hold it? Four and I beg to differ with you. By the time we an- nounce to the free world that we have to go, we might actually mean that a teensy bit may already have a head start. When we make the proclamation, let’s just step up our game and get to a potty without all the lecturing, and I don’t know about four, but it is probably a bad idea to get me laughing until my mission is accom- plished... unless we are in YOUR car!
I want a prize too. What I need, now that I am older and a lil bit tired, is a Crabby Meal! Will the prize be touted as a “boy toy” or a “girl toy”? No. How about a reissued Beanie Baby? Nope. Imma want stuff I can appreciate. How about two perch filets, fries, a cola, and a nail clip- per? Those are handy. Maybe a normal sized burger, fries, a little single serving bottle of chardonnay, and a packet of those good tooth floss pickers, huh? You know this is brilliant. I suspect it is just
a moment.” 62’s audience could not be less helpful, opting instead for a blank stare and a watch check. That’s okay. Your turn is coming. When one of my fellow senior citizens is working to find the right word for their own tales, I try to be helpful. It tends to go something like this: “Oh, the other day at Meijer,
a matter of time. I do know that four and 62 will both be better behaved if we are given an age-appropriate toy with lunch and a really good nap.
I got... oh shoot, one of those things...
Finally, there’s the food. Even when
The gap be- tween life for small children and life for me is narrowing at an alarming rate. If I must endure round two of living like a four-year- old, I’m going to
I’m starving, I don’t need an enormous plate of food. On a recent girl’s trip to South Haven, we stopped at a well- known place that is famous for their perch. In years past, I savored a perch sandwich or a perch basket. This year, however, I was disappointed to find
that the only choice was labeled “Mess of Lake Perch.” Now, just like my 4-year-old counterpart, I didn’t care at all about the $20 price tag, but I didn’t want a whole mess. I wanted a portion that is just the right size. What I really needed was a kid’s meal. Just a little
of each thing would have been perfect. Know what else? Four and I both want a present with our meal. Do four-year-olds need some more fast food toys scattered all over their bedroom floors – they do!
What I NEED is a Nap

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