Page 7 - Scene Magazine 4504 April 2020
P. 7

 The Way I’ve Scene I
    at not paying attention. Included would be shining references to my mathemagician skills as well. When combined, the two are funny, stupid, and dare I say, EXPENSIVE.
hard (like rugs and family room carpet) with their bathroom, so having a good enzyme/stain/odor treatment on hand is essential. Great news. That bottle of Na- ture’s Way pet stain remover JUST FOR CATS is still nearly full, so I’m all set if we ever get one of those. Likewise, I have a full bottle of the wrong kind of floor cleaner taking up valuable real estate in my cupboard. I wish these were just one- offs, but really, they are just some of many bone-headed things I do all the time.
I am a collector of a few things, and any collector can tell you, those dol-
lars add up quickly! The worlds of no attention span and money crossed paths a bunch of years ago when I bought a Noodle Oz plastic wizard to add to my Wizard of Oz collection. I rushed home and combed through my collectors
guide books and could not find it listed anywhere. Upon closer examination, it appears that I actually own a The Wizard of Oh’s collectible from Campbell Soup. Thankfully, that was just $20. I display that proudly.
On this very day, I was sorting mail
for some other people, and I carefully date-stamped a handful of pieces. At some point, I realized that despite it being a leap year, there is in no way a March 38, 2020 existed. Immediately following that, I scanned page one of a two page document to someone else. Why? Because I have the attention span of a gnat. I am the same girl who bought some 19 Crimes Hard Chard wine which may have possibly turned itself into Pino Noir on the way home, because that’s what was in my bag. Good thing it was also tasty.
Once in a while, my inability to pay attention collides with my unique math skills. I have a friend who says, “That’s like a mouse piddling in the cash register... it’s going to run into money!”
Last week, I bid on a lady head to add to my growing collection of lady head vases. She was sitting at just $23 on eBay, and I bided my time to bid in the final minute. Well, the page timed out, so I had to resub- mit my bid. Had I actually used the decimal point, I would have bid $51 instead of the $5,100 I actually bid. In the end, I’m glad she was only $85. Clearly, it could have been much worse. Evidently, this deci-
mal thing runs in the family too... ask my brother about his $87 witch figurine. It’s
a perfect trifecta – misery, company, and family, and I’m livin’ the dream!
I love my family, and misery loves company, so I sort of rejoiced when my sister did the same thing. We suspect that the store had the wrong wine behind their little sign, but realistically, neither of us was paying the least bit of attention, so there you go.
I have a darling plant stand. It is shabby-chic in style and fits perfectly into smallish spaces, yet it is big enough to hold one of the SIX lamps I have in that room that no one uses. It’s perfect! (Do let the record show, I had to step out into that room THREE times to verify the number of lamps... it’s really not funny!) I was so
I am the proud owner of dogs who sometimes confuse any surface that is not
Remember learn- ing how to write an outline in school? Yeah, me neither.
If I could though,
I would lay out in stunning detail, with a plan to describe just how good I am
excited about that perfect find the day I bought it! I happily waited to hand over the $14.99 + tax to the cashier. In hind sight, I wonder what my face looked like when she said, “That will be $47.69.” Evidently, that first digit was actually a FOUR. I was too embarrassed to back out of the deal, so I am really glad I like it a lot.
At Least She is Pretty

   5   6   7   8   9