Page 8 - Scene Magazine 43-12 December 2018

Hodges Gruntling, the elfin Media Supervisor,
a rand mcnally
christmas
A Fictional Story By Dave Beranek
frowned as he opened the letter in his hand. “Another complaint,” he complained. He grimaced as he wrote down the pertinent data on his yellow legal pad. Jimmy Rogers didn’t get the X-Box he wanted for Christmas... Richmond, VA. He ripped the sheet off his pad and filed it in one of the many empty slots in his desk cubicle. “Everybody wants something,” he griped to himself as he reached for another letter.
* ****
Will Yum, second assistant media supervisor glanced at the envelope he held. “Ooohh!” he exclaimed. “A letter from a bad boy!!!!” He was excited. It wasn’t every day you got a letter from a BAD BOY! He read the letter slowly.
“Dear Santa,” it said, “how come I didn’t get the I-Phone I asked for? I really wanted it and I been good all year! Doug Labreque, Alexandria, VA.”
“Well, yeah!” Will Yum thought. “Why didn’t he get it?” He decided to immediately take it to his supervisor’s attention.
* ****
Franco Peez, the lowest level media supervisory engineer, whistled as he slit open the envelope he held in his hand. Actually, he kind of hummed the song “Bad Boys” from the TV show “COPS!” Bad boys, bad boys, whacha gonna do? Whacha gonna do when they come for you? He enjoyed his little musical interlude, then looked at the letter...
“Dear Santa,” it read, “Where is my pony? I wanted a pony! I asked for a pony! I was a good girl most of the time. WHERE IS MY PONY? Alexis Hoortes, Leesburg, VA.”
Franco wasn’t sure what to do about this. This seemed to be a BAD GIRL. Hmmm... what to do? He didn’t have a clue, so he shoved the letter in his pocket and started whistling “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!” Then he went to lunch.
**** *
Greeson Dreem, the elf responsible for shredding all of the incoming mail was not averse to taking a glance or two at some of the letters. “Huh!” he thought. “Lotta stuff says VA...Norfolk, Fairfax, Roanoake, Falls Church...what’s that mean?” He talked it over with Franco Peez, his immediate supervisor. After clearing his idea with him, he got on his computer, his really dilapidated and antiquated computer, and began to research.
**** *
‘VETERANS ADMINISTRATION!” yelled Franco Peez as he dropped the letters on Santa’s large oaken desk. “That’s what VA stands for! You’ve been denying presents to Veterans!”
“Never!” replied Santa indignantly.
“Look at all these letters! Rejected letters! People not deserving of a present! VA...VA...VA... VA...All VA! What do you make of that? Huh?”
“I... I don’t think I was... umm...delineating... umm... obfuscating... I mean to say... ignoring the Veterans...” Santa babbled.
“Veterans deserve presents!”
“I can’t argue with that!” Santa cried. “I would never knowingly deprive anyone deserving of presents!”
“Well... explain all the VA people who didn’t receive presents last year!”
“I... I can’t...” Santa mumbled.
Just then, Greenson Dreem burst in. “Santa, Santa, Santa,” he babbled. “So great to finally meet you!” He shook Santa’s gloved hand and beamed.
“Santa,” he continued, “I know what the problem is... you didn’t deny presents to Veterans!”
“I didn’t?” Santa asked, rubbing his beard. “VA... VA... VA... don’t you get it?”
“I’m afraid I do not,” Santa replied. “Richmond? Fairfax? Lynchburg? Alexandria?
Arlington? Nothing?”
“Nope,” Santa said.
“I get it! I get it! It’s not Veterans you missed
you giant goob! You missed an entire state!” shouted Franco Peez.
“An entire state?” mumbled Santa.
“YES! SANTA CLAUS, THERE IS A VIRGINIA!”
THE END
8 SCENE 4312 I HOLIDAY ISSUE
Third place