Page 9 - Scene Magazine 43-03 March 2018
P. 9

The Way I’ve Scene It
   I cannot imag- ine going back to school at this point, but I do like to sit on my high horse and share my in- finite wisdom with you lucky people.
Today, let’s talk about “They.” You know, the imaginary “They” who need to take all of our good, bad, and crazy ideas and implement them to improve the world. As you can imagine, I have some great ideas that “They” really need to get going on to improve the knowledge base of the entire United States and maybe part of Canada. I know what “They” should do.
Imagine my surprise when I found myself not 100% ready for the real world as I tippy-toed into adulthood. Shock- ing, right? I know; it is so hard to be- lieve when you consider the number of hours I spent cultivating my B grade av- erage and the hours I spent flirting with the neighbor boys and cavorting around with my best friends. Shhh... don’t tell the Besties that there is more than one of them. In the end, I could not choose just one, so there are actually three. It turned out that even after finally sort of comprehending and passing both algebra AND geometry, I was still completely unable to balance a checkbook. Too bad
You know what “they” should do?
something to the power of 2 and right angles don’t keep you from bouncing a check, huh? I just learned how to balance the stupid thing last year, I kid you not, LAST YEAR. I am 57. Honestly, I had to teach myself. It might have been nice if “They” had made that a graduation re- quirement!
I’m so slow. Just two months ago, the light in my dim head popped on, and I realized that adults still engage in bul- lying. It is easy to recognize, because it is often buried in the popular lie, “Just kidding.” Ever roll your eyes behind the back of the quirky person you try to avoid? Ever – even once – participate in behavior that wasn’t very neighbor- ly toward them? What are you, 11? You think your rude unkindness is any easier now that they are adults? Isn’t it pos- sible that for some folks, being social will never be easy? And, here’s a news flash: They are not stupid; they know you are impatient with them. When I realized that I might be a passive bully sometimes, it about made me sick. It in- stantly changed my behavior. Serious- ly, “They” taught us about citizenship and preached about being nice when we were kids, but “They” never warned us about being crappy adults. Nice go- ing. Kids are learning to be mean from somewhere. It’s a big, fat shame if they are picking it up at home.
I’m certainly glad I took “Children’s Literature” for credit in college, because it has been useful – never – but I wish “They” had offered Parent Care 101, 102 and 10,003, because when it came time to do that, I was lost! Where do you go for help? What was my role? What happens when parents are no longer safe drivers or they are spending the rent on BINGO? What do you do when they take their last breath at home? Who do you call first? Who is in charge of what, and how do you know? How do you figure out what you don’t know? Too bad you won’t have my sister, Margo, and her decades of bank/ trust experience to help, because she was a godsend to me and our siblings. “They” really need to make sure we have oppor- tunities to learn this maze before we need to negotiate its twists and turns.
Finally, “They” need to teach us about the other “New Math.” I stink at old math to start with, so Me+Age+For- getfulness-Memory must = something, but I forget what it is. I’m not sure, but I think that Me+Age-My Filter = Truth...a LOT of truth. Sorry, y’all! As per usual, some of the problems seem almost iden- tical, and the answers are, of course, dif- ferent. “They” really need to make sure we can all add as adults. Oh wait! May- be I do get it! Me+Age+Patience =... just kidding... I made that patience part up. Lol! Patience... good one!

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